Yoga For Bank Tellers

Hello, I’m Spirit Song, and this is one in a series of Yoga Sessions For The Searching Soul. Today we’ll be doing a set of stretches targeting those muscle groups used by bank tellers.

But you needn’t be a bank teller to participate in this session. Any searching soul can enjoy its beneficial effects. All you need is a yoga mat you can purchase with any major credit card by dialing the phone number shown below. In the mean time, you can follow along from your floor, or bed if that feels more comfortable. I recommend the bed.

The one thing to remember is to always breath. Proper breathing is essential. If you do not breath, you will die. I will remind you throughout the session to keep breathing.

Let’s begin. Start by sitting upright, centering your torso over your buttocks. Now spread your left leg out and away from your center. Extend the thigh. Notice how my thigh is extended away from my groin area. Now tuck the toes of your right foot into your crotch. If you can’t make it all the way, that’s okay. Just breath deeply as you stare at my crotch.

Raise your right arm over your head and allow the hand to roll over and cup your left ear. Breathe in as you do this, unless you already have done so, in which case you should now breathe out. Continue this cycle of breathing unless I indicate otherwise.

Now take your left hand and twist it behind your back and up as far as it will go. Hold your hand in this reverse half-prayer position as you continue to force it to rise up in a slicing arc between your shoulder blades. This is called the “pleading supplicant” position. Don’t worry if you can’t go as far as I can. Just remember to keep breathing, or you will pass out and possibly not regain consciousness.

Now, with your right hand clutching your left ear and your left hand in the “ninja assassin” position between your scapular crevice, bend forward until your forehead is pressed heavily against the floor, in the “shamed eunuch” pose. Hold this position for as long as is humanly possible. Work to your edge, not over it. How will you know you’ve reached the edge? If you’ve ever given birth to twins or attempted to rob a bank for the first time, you’ll know the edge when you feel it. In the mean time, you might like to watch me as I search for my edge.

Don’t be concerned if you can’t go down on the floor the way I can. If you wish, take careful note of the supple contours of my body as I demonstrate. Breathe in... and out. Repeat. Notice how my ribcage undulates rhythmically. Yours should be undulating as well.

Come to an upright position, again centered over my buttocks. Now spread the right leg outward, mirroring the direction of the left, forming the “life funnel” position. The two diverging thighs are now in dynamic tension. Separate them as far as they will go. Again, don’t be surprised if your body looks nothing like mine. Take a good look at my life funnel. Any resemblance to yours? I seriously doubt it.

Now interlock both hands, raise them up, over, and behind the back of the neck, arching your chest outward as you tilt your head back, into the “welcoming waif” position. Rock forward. And back. And forward again, breathing all the while.

Now repeat this series in reverse. Or just watch me do it for you as you massage those parts of your body needing special attention after all that stretching.

If you’d like to view different sessions depicting my bodily contours in other positions, you may order any of the many videos produced for this series.

Just always remember to keep breathing.